“I AM FINE” she screams from across the room before she slams the door. You both know she is not.
“Yup, all good” he says and then doesn’t speak more than a couple words for the next three days. You both know it is not good.
Do either of these sound familiar? Enter rule #2-Believe what your partner says and therefore you must also tell the truth.
I wrote about rule number one a while ago so you are going to have to scroll down for that one. Here we are at rule number 2; and that is- you have to believe what comes out of your partner’s mouth, and for that to work you better be telling the truth too. It is imperative to your relationship that if you say you are “fine” that you BETTER BE FINE, because it is not their job to assume (see rule 1) and it is their job to believe you. This is an important rule for many reasons. First, it reinforces that we are not to be making things up in our heads about what the other person is thinking or feeling. Second, it builds emotional trust and trust in communication. Third, direct communication is healthy communication. If you are not fine, say so. If you need time to think about something, say that. If you don’t like how something went, open a conversation to work through towards a solution. Sometimes that doesn’t feel easy, but it is worth it.
If you recognize that you and your partner struggle with healthy communication, book your first appointment today and let’s work on it.