Lisa Toms, MS

Happiness

What even is happiness? How will you know when you are happy? Happiness can seem like an elusive beast. Just as you grab it it slips through your fingers. I believe that happiness comes in moments of joy peppered throughout your life. I do not think it is a constant state of being. I thinkContinue reading “Happiness”

Boundaries

Do you feel like people take advantage of you? Do you feel like you give too much? Do you always say ‘yes’ when people ask you a favor? Do you wish there was some way to say ‘no’ sometimes? Do you worry that no one will like you if you say ‘no’? Do you wishContinue reading “Boundaries”

Being Married is Hard

I get asked often, “why did you choose to be a marriage and family therapist?” and the answer to that is; even when it’s good being married is hard! People need help with it and I would like to try to do that. It’s ok to ask for help if you think your marriage mightContinue reading “Being Married is Hard”

Letting Go

Letting go of things not meant for us is one of the hardest things to do. We are programed to hold on to every hurt, every slight, everything thing we think we’ve done wrong. Biologically holding onto pain was helpful; we were then able to learn from our mistakes and make sure the same badContinue reading “Letting Go”

Trust yourself

Trusting yourself is one of the most essential skills in being able to get through life. In fact if you don’t trust other people it is really because you don’t trust yourself. As you grow and start to believe in yourself it becomes less important what other people do because you know, whatever it is,Continue reading “Trust yourself”

The Quest for Perfect

Many people worry about doing everything perfectly. And they worry about what will happen if they fall short. These thoughts set us up to fail! There is no such thing as being perfect and by placing such enourmous expectations on ourselves we are bound to feel stress and worry. In session we will challenge theseContinue reading “The Quest for Perfect”

Therapy sucks.

Therapy can suck. It is hard to talk about all those uncomfortable things that we hold inside of us. We worry about being judged, or that saying them will give them power. However, the opposite is true. Speaking your story, even the horrible parts, especially the horrible parts, takes away the weight and space thatContinue reading “Therapy sucks.”

But therapy is hard!

When you come in to therapy there may be some difficult sessions. You may leave the office feeling bad. I like to say it is like going to the gym, when you have a good work out your muscles will be sore for a couple days, but that is when you know you are makingContinue reading “But therapy is hard!”

It isn’t selfish to take care of yourself.

I have many clients who are concerned with the selfishness involved in asking for what they need, or taking the time to care for themselves. I like the analogy of being on an airplane and always putting on your own mask first before even trying to help others. Why is that? In low oxygen situationsContinue reading “It isn’t selfish to take care of yourself.”

Don’t Fight to be Right

You are bound to disagree with your partner. There is just no way for two people to agree on everything all the time. The trick is how do you settle disagreements in a way in which brings you closer together? Many couples come in to tackle these communication issues. The crux of when discussions turnContinue reading “Don’t Fight to be Right”